Friday, August 27, 2010

Things you do when you're bored

I'm kind of in that "I don't care" phase of dating right now, born of boredom and lingering emotional detachment from not too distant heartbreaks. This zone is a little dangerous for me because I tend to do things that not only get me no where, but put me in danger of falling for someone who doesn't deserve it. Have any of you ever been this spot? It's really kind of weird.
Now normally I don't advocate going on the ex-boyfriend re-tread, but I seem to be doing just that. Mimbo has been calling and texting, as all of you well know. Last Sunday we went to church together, at HIS suggestion. (Please, don't fall out of your I actually do go once in a while) After Mass he asked me to hang out later on in the day. While SB and I were at brunch afterward, he kept texting, asking to meet him and his friends later. Now this was new. I've never met any of his friends. Mostly because he thinks dating is just coming over to my house. Which the rest of us know is called something else. I said to SB," Watch, this will not happen. He will call later asking to come over or me come to his place." Which is exactly what happened. I stood firm and said no. I'm not getting on that merry-go-round with him again. If he wants to see me, he can see me at some other location other than our respective residences. Since he's been at the River this week, he's been texting the entire time. Odd behavior, even for Mimbo.
This past week I decided I was ready for a boyfriend again. No more flings, no more hanging around in an ambiguous situation. Which leads me to question what the hell I'm doing dating Mimbo again as well as a 25 year old puppy. I'm under no illusion that a serious relationship is likely with either, although the 25 year old is more likely of the two. He's from the mid west and definitely not afraid of having a girlfriend. They're not crazy with dating like we are here in So Cal.
I've come to the conclusion that while I'm going to hold firm on my new decision, it's not going to stop me from being taken out so I can stay occupied. There just won't be any goodies for them. Cruel? Maybe. My prerogative? Oh definitely!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Your puppy is so cute!!!!

I bet you totally thought I was going to write a post on the tricks men use to get our attention, didn't you? HA! Not really, all though that would be entertaining to write.
Nope, I'm posting today on dating younger men, who I affectionately call "puppies". I am not a cougar, mostly because I'm not old enough being as I'm only 36. I also don't want to write something that leads everyone to believe this is some kind of social phenomena... blah blah.. boooooorrriinnng!
I'm posting today because I've lived it. My aunts live it every day. They're both married to guys ten years or more younger than they are. My one aunt is 18 years older than her husband. They've both been married before, and this time around they picked someone more fun, I guess. I do not consider them cougars either.
When I was 33 I dated a guy who was 21 years old. Shockingly, he turned out to be a whole lot of fun and a lot more mature than what I would have thought. We used to watch football all day on Sundays, go to the movies, and I would cook for him. Alas, he got deployed and we had to end it. But dang was he hot! Especially when he was walking around my house in his boxer briefs...and helping me move to a new apt... and... wait, why did I stop fooling around with him again? Oh yeah, we became friends instead. This is a big draw for me as younger men seem to be more active, not so set in their ways, and more willing to please in a whole lot of ways. (And I didn't mean THAT way, you big ol' bunch of pervs! Although that was a bonus)
I guess there is somewhat of a social stigma if you're my age or older. Maybe because if you're single at my age or older, the focus is on marriage so much that people wonder what the hell you're doing. It helps a lot that I don't look my age, but I am the only one of my friends to be willing to date someone that much younger than me. My BFF, Red, is seeing someone she calls the Young'un. She's 36 and he is 30. That's not such a big deal to me. But of the more extended group of friends I have, I am the ONLY one who dates men significantly younger.
Would I consider someone a full decade younger as marriage material? Meh... I don't know. I have a second date with a 25 year old on Thursday night, so I'll let you all know after that.. hee hee hee.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Sometimes they come back

I think I should learn to be careful about invoking the spirits of evil ex-boyfriends in my blog. Because sometimes they come back. Last weekend I was killing an hour before getting ready for a date by playing World of Warcraft. Yes people. I'm a huge nerd. Moving on......  Well, Satan sent me an in-game message. "Oh good job on your toon! How are you?" Besides the icky feeling in my stomach? You know, the kind you get when it falls out and hits the floor? I bet you're wondering if I responded. Oh you bet I did. I've known it was just a matter of time before it occurred since he began obsessively playing recently. Which he does when he starts detaching himself from his current reality. Anywho... my response:
"F- you, you f-ing lying, cheating, psychopathic asshole. Go f-yourself!" To which he replied with a deletion to my toon and put me on ignore. Um yeah. Because I'M the one in danger of sending messages.
Monday I get an email on my blackberry from Mimbo. You all remember Mimbo don't you? Read back a few columns to the porn post and you'll figure it out. Mimbo pops up every 6 months or so, you can almost time him. He's been doing this for about 3 years. I told him unless he wants to have a girlfriend then he needs to leave me alone because I'm looking to get married. Ha! I thought, now he will run! Um, except he didn't. So now I just keep telling him no I won't go out with him.
I guess I really don't understand the concept of guys coming back. Satan lied and cheated on me, but he has a loooooong history of being a romantic revisionist. He always thinks his past relationships were a lot more rosy than they really were. I guess that's why the chick he left me for was the girlfriend before me. Who cheated on him a few times too. Keepin' it classy, Satan!
As for Mimbo, I think he just gets bored and thinks I will always have the door open, which I don't. Why do guys do this? Is it because they think their "pussy pass" (excuse my crassness) hasn't been revoked? I secretly think this is why men keep in contact even after they dump you, so it DOESN'T get revoked.
I'd be interested in hearing from some men on this. Except for AssHat, who knows who he is.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Oh, spare me!

Ladies, I've remarked upon how I don't read advice columns written by women. It's all a bunch of hopeful crap meant to sooth our egos but doesn't really do anything for us. I never thought I would read a column written by a man that I thought was hooey. What dudes think about us naked
I can appreciate a guy wanting to make us all feel better so we will get naked more often, but I'm more concerned with what's behind our neuroses. We've all been there. Holding the sheets up to our chests, turning the lights out so the man won't see, not letting a guy touch us in a certain place for fear he will think we are less than perfect. And therein lies the evil word: perfect.
Can anyone really blame us? We are bombarded at all hours of the day and night with media that tells us to constantly change ourselves to be a certain ideal. Now, I'm not going to deny I use anti-aging face moisturizer or Boots eye/lip serum, but thats a far cry from getting plastic surgery, starving ourselves, and looking like a freakin' bobblehead. Seriously, have you noticed the young "sex symbols" right now all look the same? They're all about 5'1, weight a buck-o-nothing, huge hooters and no rest of the body to speak of? Hell, I wish I looked like that! Alas, it took years for me to realize that I can't be like that and to like myself for who I am.
With Hollywood constantly picking the same kind of women, with porn so readily accessible that the sex industry is now making its permanent mark on our appearances, how do we let go of the veil? I am not the first woman to back out of a room naked so a guy doesn't see the slight dimpling on my upper thighs. But we wouldn't think that in the first place if every damn magazine at the grocery store is telling us we all look like junk and need to improve.
However, aside from my rant, am I over thinking this? Maybe men are really so adolescent that they're just excited to see boobs or anything else. We can all revel that we all have at least one thing about us that is an obvious draw. Maybe it's great hair, pretty eyes, fantastic smile, grace, and in my case a fabulous ass. Maybe we shouldn't question what they see in us. If they want to see us naked, they're obviously attracted. Yes, I realize I'm trying to play both sides of the argument here, but that's besides the point.
We need to own it, girls. We rock. Deep down we know it. It's time we stop being a bunch of wienies and show our husbands and boyfriends we know we are beautiful on the inside AND out.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Holy Freakin' Crap!

Ok, I will admit in real life to being nothing even close to being a feminist. The original argument of equal work equal pay thing obviously worked out in our favor but since then it's taken a whole different turn. The feminists-turned-feminazis have forever altered our behavior toward each other. Now I can go into a whole deal about free love and how it wrecked everything but I'm not. The Pill gave us choices our grandmothers didn't have. That being said, doesn't mean basic rules aren't important.
This article literally made my jaw drop. There goes tradition.
There are those women who walk around all disjointed and pissed off if a man opens a door for them or pulls out their chair. Come on, ladies! That fight isn't part of our generation!! I like it when a man holds a door for me, or pulls out my chair. To me, that is respect. It's not saying that he thinks I can't do it myself. Unless I have no arms or legs, of course I can.
I also expect a man to pay on the first date and at least the first few until I can figure out what it is he's there for. This is a disqualifier in my book. I still have my own money just in case it comes to that, but still. We women complain a lot (I'm probably the loudest) about men not showing courtesy or respect toward us. Why do we never think that our battle for equality might have had something to do with it? Girls of my generation (let's hear it for Gen X!) heard ad nauseum that we can act just like men from every women's magazine out there. Yeah, I'm talking about you, Cosmo! The only problem is, no matter how much we accomplish in the workplace or on our own, society as a whole will always have a double standard. I don't see that changing.
If we lack rules on expected behavior toward each other, we are going to wind up with a mess. Ergo, dating as it is now, and this article I linked to. We need to keep our standards because a lot of men are going to use our so-called freedom against us. This is already happening. Read that article.
My suggestion? Are we acting like we are worth the trouble or a dime a dozen? Think about it.
***UPDATE 8/14***  Ooooohhhhh... looks like I'm not the only wondering at feminism going crazy! My Vindication?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Yep, that's a bummer

Grrrr... I hate break ups. That icky feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, the feeling of loss of self confidence. I think thats what I hate most.
I was dumped on Tuesday evening, the day before my birthday. By text message. Coincidently, one text message after he told me Happy Birthday. So needless to say, my birthday was not so fab. My friends did their best with their well wishes, flowers, and balloons (which I really do appreciate by the way), but I was still sad on the inside.
I hate that this one thing managed to ruin what was essentially a really nice day. So I decided to do something completely selfish and just for me. I went and got two tattoos on my feet last night after work. They symbolize two out of the four countries I've been to so far. I wanted to remind myself that traveling is my time that no one can take away from me. Those experiences belong to my memory only. This morning when I woke up, I felt soooo much better.
So what do you all do when you get dumped? Anyone have any break up rituals to pass along? Let's share people!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Will they do anything?

So today I was reading this article Facebook nightmare, and it dawned on me that some men will do anything in their best interests. Actually, I can go so far as to say there is an entire subculture of sociopaths masquerading as normal. Oh you're just jaded, you say. Or am I?
Whether you believe this dirtbag's story or not, the fact remains he was married and carrying on with another woman behind her back. However, other stories mention she knew about the initial infidelity and took him back anyway. After which he married the other chick anyway. Ok, one, obviously this lady needs counseling. Two, did this guy's do-the-right-thing filter never come on? Really?
I can tick off 5 stories on one hand without even thinking about it. From one friend's ex cheating on her for Lord knows how long with a close friend and making her seem nuts for being suspicious, from another to dumping another friend for not being fat. Even though he was a closet chubby chaser. So instead of dealing with his issue, he inflicts his denial on my friend and pretty much wastes six months of her time. My question is this: is the drive for self serving purposes that strong as to completely block out the need to have integrity?
Going back to the jerk on Facebook, where do we as women draw the line? Is there a slippery slope? How much selfish behavior do we tolerate? I decided about 6 months ago, mid recovery from Satan's break-up, that my line was firmly drawn in the sand. No more ambiguous, ambivalent pap.
While I wholeheartedly believe there are some jacked up men out there, I place a good chunk of the blame on other women. Think about it. SB made a comment to me today about a guy who lied to her, "He did it so smoothly, like he'd done it many times before." How many women had accepted the lies before that, making him feel he could get away with it so easily? How many women either never questioned or never said no?
Does doing this serve our own selfish interests? Do we hear what we want to hear or see what we want to see to serve OUR purposes?
Or is this a symptom of our modern culture of instant gratification?

Friday, August 6, 2010

Break ups and how to make them extra crappy

Break ups. Oooooohhh they suck. I mean just on the merit of breaking apart, they suck.
Then there are those extra special break ups, where one party says something that makes it that...much...worse. Let's back up a little. Over the past week or so I've watched two of my really good friends get their hearts broken. It's extremely hard for me to watch. I have this inner Scary Italian Big Sister that comes out in me and makes me want to take a baseball bat to the bastards who hurt my friends. Those who know me know absolutely if I ever saw these pieces of crap again, know that I would probably have some extremely harsh words for them.

But the reason for this post today is for those extra bad assholes. Last year I went through a really, really bad break up. I'm still suffering from trust issues and emotional detachment from it. But the one thing I can't get out of my head is his crappy email telling me; "Yes, there's someone. She's pregnant and we're engaged. Now delete this email and let the healing begin!" Wow, how f-ing smug you are, Satan! I mean gosh, couldn't you have thought of something less hurtful to say? Like, I don't know.. I think we are better apart and I'm sorry for hurting you? Have a good life? Talk about words that will be burned in my brain forever. Which leads me to the granddaddy of them all. And I know he reads my blog.
"Snitch".... oh yeah. King of the Ass Clowns. For someone as sanctimonious and arrogant, this shouldn't surprise me but I guess I expected more decency. My best friend dated this prick for a good 6 months and broke up with him a couple times due to his constant immature ambivalence. When she did, he would come sucking up to her, emotionally manipulating himself back into her life, and deliberately ignoring why she couldn't be "friends". When she wouldn't budge, he used the L word on her to get her to come back. Yep. The L bomb. Yet he continued his ambivalent behavior. And so he broke up with HER today... by saying he wasn't attracted to her and he likes bigger women. Wow.. let's start with, Hey A-hole! If you weren't that into her why did you keep chasing her? Hmmmmmmm? You obviously liked having sex with her so that excuse is bullshit. As for thinking "your socioeconomic level" makes you better than the rest of us while also claiming you care about her, why would these words EVER occur to you? For someone who allegedly respects my friend, one would think you would have used kinder words to let her down.
Why do people do this? If this was a mutual fight, I could understand the mudslinging, but this came in an email with no provocation. I'm so angry I used this post to sling back. I've never said anything like that except for the hate mail to Satan after he dumped me. And so without further ado, this is my response to Snitch:
Dear Ass Hat,
I know you must think you are far removed from the rest of us peons, but sadly, your behavior let's us all know you never matured past the age of 22. From the beginning you have been nothing but a self-serving, manipulative, arrogant, pretentious prick. My friend is a nice girl. From your own admission she is a great, cool person whom you liked spending time with. You had absolutely no right to say the things you said to her. You need to be by yourself where you cannot inflict your ridiculousness on the rest of us. You didn't deserve my friend, she is too good for you. Might I also suggest I thought she was slumming when she was dating you. I hope you knock up a fat chick and she takes you for everything you have.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Great Fake Out

Yep. I'm going there.
When I came across this article yesterday I laughed my ass off. Fake Out! Well yeah, I thought about Meg Ryan's Oscar worthy fake-O in "When Harry Met Sally". Then I thought about the episode in Sex and the City where Miranda is trying to teach the cute doctor to please her. He says, "Well I've never had this problem before." She says, "You didn't know this was an issue with us until I said something." The look on his face when it dawned on him that pretty much all of his intimate encounters might not have culminated in the Big O was hilarious!
While I'm not writing this today to strike fear in the hearts of men everywhere (although part of me is grinning and rubbing my hands together giggling), it's more of an examination into why we do it. I've done it. More than once, in fact. I've done it when it was horrible and I just wanted to get it over with. Then there were times when just being with that person was wonderful, but it just wasn't going to happen for me. I didn't want the man I was with to feel insecure that it wasn't going to happen, just like the article mentions. The reasons it wasn't going to happen are a moot point. You can't tell a man that the nearness of them was enough, though. They are much more goal oriented than we are and don't fully understand that.
I'm well aware of the fact that we need to take ownership of our own sexuality. Men are not psychics. Part of the reason being in a relationship is so awesome is the trust you build. You feel safe enough to tell someone what you like. (There's also that kind of freedom in a booty call arrangement, because there's no emotional attachment, IMHO). We women can be very skittish about mentioning our likes because we are mostly taught good girls aren't supposed to talk about stuff like that. I know I was! A lot of how women learn about sex is still very Victorian in its application and understanding.
Men, realize that if your girl fakes it at one time or another isn't really your fault. She might be just trying to please you. That being said, faking it ALL the time shows a complete disconnect with your body and your psyche. Almost akin to men not being able to finish with a "real" girl after they've been addicted to porn.
End comment: be utterly and absolutely true to yourself. You can never get in trouble for that!  =)

Monday, August 2, 2010

Today's pity post

Ok, I have to say it and please don't hate me. I feel sorry for Lindsey Lohan. I don't feel sorry for her going to jail, though. I honestly feel this was the intervention she needed to save her life.
I think we can all agree this girl has a really jacked up family life. Dad has been abusive in the past and is an attention seeking blow-hard. Mom thinks she's 21 and thinks she's famous because her kid is famous. Both parents leeched off this kid since she became an actress and lost all bearing for strong parenthood. Is it any wonder LiLo is as bad off as she is? This girl is a mess!
I hope she finds it within herself to gain some personal strength. She might have been to push her dad away and recognize he is not a good influence, but the same could be said for her mother. I really hope her re-hab helps her. If it doesn't.. well... her parents can go ahead and blame themselves.
I'm rooting for her. I don't necessarily think she's a super actress YET, but that may come with time and maturity.
Come on Lindsey.. love yourself! Take this time to gain some perspective, put some order in your life, and realize you are not just a meal ticket for your family members.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

I think I like this guy!

Today's article link comes from Don't do it dude. I have to say I was impressed. First off, I don't read love advice columns written by women in women's magazines. Mostly because I refuse to listen to idealistic advice from someone who isn't even a guy. How can a chick understand what goes on in their heads? We can't!
All right, so on to today's subject. Ever been on a date where it went well, had a couple drinks, maybe kissed a little? You were fairly confident he would call. But he didn't. You sent out the "benefit of the doubt" text or phone call a few days later, but still nothing. What happened?
This men's advice article gave me a little bit more insight into male behavior but was cool because it didn't let the guy off the hook. Basically, it told the guy he shouldn't have had wine and made out with a chick he wasn't really into in the first place. What did he think was going to happen? So now he has to suck it up and deal that he hurt a girl's feelings. Are men that fearful of being thought of as the bad guy, that they end up becoming just that?
Now in my last post I related that I email or text that I'm just not that into someone after I go out with them. I don't like leading people on, but it's mostly because I get skeeved out if I'm not into someone and they keep contacting me. Obviously, not a completely altruistic act on my part.
I think this is good advice from the column though. If you're not that into someone don't do something that makes them think otherwise. Say that you do, what's YOUR exit strategy? Ignore calls? Maintain radio silence? Or, like one time when I was about 21, looked right into a guy's face 7 months after I'd hookd up with him and denied I'd ever met him. Yeah... ouch. I can't believe I even pulled that one off. And believe me when I say I don't think it's an accident that I'm single in my mid-30's. I'm pretty much convinced it's karmic justice.
Have you ever hooked up with someone because you were bored, horny, in a fight with your other? Maybe it was someone you never considered dating or hook up potential, and then couldn't get rid of them because they thought you liked them?
What did you do, audience? I'm dying to know   =)