Sunday, October 31, 2010

New trick gets a test run

So last week was a bad week. I once heard an analogy that women should look at dating like a buffet. If that's true, last week felt like the lunch rush at Panda where everyone was in front of me and they ran out of orange chicken. You know, where there's only those over cooked tough pieces they try and sneak into your bowl without you noticing?And everyone in front of you got some of the good stuff and you didn't? That was so me the past couple of weeks.
Last night I went to MW's party. I dressed like a slutty female Indian Jones. I can proudly say it showed plenty of hooters and no one else had my costume. Success! I will be weak and say it felt good to have a lot of male attention. And after my first pint of Guinness, my normal inner ballsy self came out. I smiled directly at men. I stuck out my hand and asked their name. I danced and flirted and talked. Then I tried out a new trick I heard about, called back leading. After chatting with one of them, I said, "If I gave you my number and you called me to get coffee, I would totally say yes." Holy cow, it worked. I got three numbers last night and they're all three texting already. Apparently from an article I read recently, the fear of rejection is so fierce in men we women have no frame of reference for it. So, saying this tells them they're guaranteed a yes, thereby giving them the confidence to contact me.
Red was right when she said my lonely phase would only last a week and I would be in a different place next week. Damn I hate it when she's right!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Enough to make me become a nun

Ok, well almost.
It's been a bad week and a half. After reappearing for a few days with constant texting, calling and mentions of date 2, MM has officially and finally gone the way of the dodo. So yeah, ouch. Last Saturday's beta male date was baaaaaaddd. And this week I have been rejected from having a relationship with someone (not dating or boning them, of course. That would be perfectly acceptable!) due to my advanced age of 36 years. Let's not mention that I was in his age range. Or that we had good conversation and he thought I was hot. After both of us decided thinking about that heavy stuff was stupid, we made a date for tomorrow, which is Friday. Today on the way home he cancelled on me because "he thought he could do this online stuff but he just can't, sorry". And oh yes, he is just so very shy. Considering he is a combat veteran I'm calling BULLSHIT.
And today I saw CK. Yep. The guy who dumped me the day before my birthday. The one who, after telling me he was too busy for a girlfriend and wanted someone to just spend time with on a regular basis, dumped me because he decided to HAVE SOMEONE ELSE AS A GIRLFRIEND. So today he sees me and says, "I'm really sorry about all that." I said, "Yeah. I was pretty pissed at you." He says, "Well I just needed to make a decision, it had been time." After a couple more questions I determined that he had already been seeing her when he met me. Its almost 9pm and my stomach is still doing flip flops. I wish I didn't still like him.
So this is where I ask the universe, "WHEN THE HELL IS IT MY TURN FOR PETE'S SAKE!!!!!" Lately I've pretty much felt like chopped liver. It got so bad that on Tuesday I actually went home after work and cried. Even though I felt like I needed to do it, and felt a little better the next day, I don't feel all that much better. Right now I'm just praying for peace and serenity. That's all I want. Peace to quiet my mind and heart.
Dare I say it, it might be time to find a new booty call. In the past I found that when distracted by casual interaction on a regular basis, I maintain much better control.
What do I do, fair readers? Let myself go over the edge of sanity? Or pull myself back from the brink with the attentions of someone less than worthy? Maybe I'll meet a likely candidate at the Mayan Warrior's Halloween party on Saturday, where I'm certain to drink away my recent
I'll be waiting for your answers...    *wink

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The ebb and flow

So that old adage of feast or famine, drought or flood comes to mind. MM is in San Diego for the weekend and I had to let go HF. HF told me his ex has been sniffing around and wanting to get back with him. I just can't go there. I will not compete with a another woman for a man's attention. Not to mention, I know what it feels like to be cheated on. Even if they're in that weird in-between phase, that's still not cool.
This past Thursday I went to SB's house for dinner. While I was there, the Ginger called me. He and I have been emailing back and forth the past week or so. He's hot. Even for a ginger. I think Scotland changed me in regards to gingers. Since I went on two dates while I was there with this strawberry-blonde Scottish guy, it made me look at them kinda differently. And when I say ginger, this guy has seriously red hair. So the Ginger asked me out for next week. I said yes. Which prompted SB's sister TR to say, "he's cute!" and SB said, "Gingers have no soul!" I couldn't help but chuckle at that.
Today while I was sitting here feeling bummed about MM being gone and having to kick the Warrior loose, this new guy I've been talking to texted me. I don't know what to think about PO. On one hand, he's a nice guy, definitely interested in me, and reasonably attractive. However, there are some not so good things: he texts like an ignorant teenager. I'm not talking text shorthand. It goes beyond that. I can't even explain it but it drives me crazy. BikerPuppy and Weez can attest to my ridiculous obsession with grammar. Another thing about PO that is a little on the irritating side: he's never traveled. Not even to other states beyond Nevada (Vegas). How could someone not be curious about the world? Or even our country? I know you're all thinking to yourselves, why the hell am I going out with him then? You obviously didn't read a post I wrote a couple months ago titled, "Things You Do When You're Bored".
AC the Air Force guy is also coming home in the next two weeks. Maybe my feast is on it's way, and this famine will take a hike.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Your Uterus Doesn't Give You Priority

First I want to preface this post by saying this is not meant to knock my friends who are mothers. I love you guys and you are SO not who I'm referencing in this post. Got it? Ok, here we go.
I can't stand highbrow mothers. Yes, you know who you are. With your strollers the size of a bus, your habit of taking up any aisle in any store with same stroller, your gaze of superiority as you gaze at my cart of yogurt, bread and cat food. Yes, I have cats. Two to be exact. That doesn't make me a crazy cat lady, even though I'm a single woman in my mid-30's. (or does it? SHIT!) All right, I digress...
Have you ever noticed this? At the mall, or even worse, any amusement park. Parents running their strollers into strangers like they own the freakin sidewalk. No apology, like we are supposed to get out of their way because there's a "BABY ON BOARD!" Seriously. I was at the grocery store last night and it must have been mommy night because they were all over and constantly in my way. I couldn't get my cart around their cart. They're letting their kids scream at the top of their lungs. From what I hear, they just tune the kid out. Well that's all fine when you're at home but when you're in public the rest of us have to suffer from your kid's tantrum. Have some class or some consideration for your fellow humans, geez.
The stroller/cart drives me nuts. The few times I have said "excuse me" or nudged their cart/stroller out of the way has resulted in dirty looks. I guess just because you have offspring that gives you absolution from having manners.
The other thing that drives me nuts is the "oh you poor single non-breeder, you just don't get it" looks and/or comments. Sad to say I get this from a certain member of my own family. My cousin JO insists on inviting her friends to family events. They all got married at the same age and all had kids at the same age. They look at my sister and I, who are both single, with these looks of pity, fear, and condescension. They completely dismiss both of us, because our lives couldn't possibly be as relevant as theirs. I mean, they're mothers!
Now this sounds kind of weird coming from me, since I would love to have a family of my own, but do people really have to be assholes about it? Is this sort of a post-feminism view I have? If women are happy being stay-at-home mothers, how dare they mock the rest of us? Wasn't that what the Women's Lib movement was about? We could choose what we wanted to be. A mother, a wife, an adventurer (me!), none of the above or all of the above.
What say you, audience? Am I being an overly sensitive, bitter, single woman in my 30's? Or is there something to this?

Friday, October 15, 2010

And yet, its not any different

This is going to be a rant, folks, so be prepared.
So looks like my excitement over MM was short lived. Yep, just like most single men, their attention span and interest is as fleeting as little kid with ADHD. Communication went from every day phone calls and texts to zip, nada, poof. This was as of Tuesday night. What the hell makes them do this, I wonder? Tuesday's text messages were very flirtatious, asking me for pictures (and not even dirty ones), saying he wanted to see me again. It's now Friday and I've heard from him once, which was yesterday. "Busy week", he says. Hmm... guess he wasn't wise that we ladies now know that busy = just not that into you. Detroit, same thing. Except after our date and the requisite text from him of "hey I want to see you again", nothing else.
What makes men do this? Do they think we're stupid? How frigging hard is it to tell someone that you just don't think it's going to work out? Seriously. The wasted time wondering is waaaaay worse than knowing its just not going to happen. And for me, it's pretty bad. There are so few men I actually like that it's a little excruciating when this happens.
I will admit to feeling insecure about it. I will admit to delving a little bit into a pity party (the standard "I'm never going to find anyone", "what's wrong with me", "I hate them all" fare). What I hate is admitting to myself that I'm that much of a sucker. Seriously.. if I hear from one more person any one of these phrases:
1. "Don't worry about finding someone. You don't need a man! You can have a full life without one!"
2. "Someone will drop in your lap when you least expect it. A watched pot never boils!"
3. "Lower your standards. You're too picky. Just pick someone and settle down."

Obviously these mostly come from Smug Marrieds, Ladies Who Have Given Up (see #1) and my grandmother. I'm seriously considering moving. Dating in SoCal is tiring, full of fakers, and never really amounts to anything. And I'm sure someone here is going to point out that my trust issues are a self-fulfilling prophecy. My response to that is: stuff it.
So, I think I'm nearly over the internet dating thing for now. I've been on Match since August and I've gone on a total of 6 dates, two of them with the same guy. Maybe I should just admit to myself that I'm just not good at this. I'm naturally kind of a type-A person so this really bums me out. My experiment of asking around isn't panning out. Neither is the gym. Or the grocery store. Or the beach. Or the sports bar I frequent to watch football on Sundays. You'd think that one is a given, but I assure you, it is not.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Internet dating annoyance saved by interesting date

So now that I've been on Match for almost two months, I've noticed a trend. Gross old men like me. I think I get more winks, emails and looks from men over 47 than men my own age. I also noticed they're looking for women 25-40. And they're 50 years old! Why is this? I mentioned it to Weez the other day and she had an interesting perspective: they think they're rad and just don't care. Hmm. They clearly don't read my profile. I provide helpful hints like "have a picture, its only fair", "I like to work out and go to the gym", "if you're looking for something casual, I'm not the girl for you". Yet, I still get emails from squatty old guys, guys with no pictures, guys looking just to have some fun. Again, hmm. Don't you notice the ones with no pictures always describe themselves as "handsome, in good shape"? Really? How do we know that? If you don't have a picture you're clearly hiding something, like you're I always get these nasty old guys who think their money is going to bowl me over. Their profiles have one fuzzy pic of them with sunglasses on, and the rest are "things". Like houses. And cars. And their dog. And vacation spots. I could give a rat's ass about that stuff but my profile obviously isn't caustic enough to rule out these
Now, since I'm trying dating outside my type, I had a date with MM on Friday night. MM is a comic book artist. He's bald and has facial hair. Sort of along the lines of my friend Connor who I work with. The facial hair works for Connor but I don't like facial hair on men I date. Who freaking knew, but I had so much fun with MM I was out until 4am (never fear, my faithful readers, the clothes stayed on!). I haven't felt such crazy attraction for someone in a long time and it was definitely mutual. He asked me at the end, "So I think this meet and greet coffee turned into Date 1 when we went for a drink. Do you feel the same way?" Hell yes! Then he said, oh we are so going for Date 2. I think I like him. He's a total smart ass for a creative type.
Yesterday, after having next to no sleep (thanks to my cats, Nyx and Nelli) I went to lunch in Marina del Rey with Detroit. Detroit is a former NFL player from the east coast. Most would describe him as a "big goombah", but I had a nice time with him. He made is clear he's not looking to play around. Big personality (I liked it), lots of sarcasm, and old fashioned manners. When I got home, we both made it clear we were interested in seeing each other again. However, as with everything, that means absolutely nothing until they actually make the move TO see you again.
This morning I woke to a long rambling email from a Match guy. His profile and email kept stressing sensuality, passion, NEEDING attraction. Mmmhmm. Like I can't read between the lines and know what he's after!

Friday, October 1, 2010

Dating & manners, part deux, and the joys of internet dating

Well, as some of you may know, I'm getting back out there in a serious way. No half-hearted, lackadaisical dating for me. I'm in it to win it, folks, and you know I'm as competitive as it gets. Since I'm completely done with the BS, it's sort freed me up from the morons. It's such a nice change! So here I am, on a dating site, and as a newly thought of tactical idea, asking my friends if they know of any eligible bachelors I might like.
Let's talk about internet dating since it's right there out in the open now. I think women go about it in a way different manner than men do. Yes, we still look at the pictures, but I also look at what THEY'RE looking for. Height, race, age, all those things. If I don't match what they're looking for, why bother winking or emailing? Men, however, obviously don't do this. This is evidenced by my now tired Blackberry, from the incessant pinging of men who really don't fall into my parameters. For instance, old dudes. I don't have a problem dating men up to the age of 44 or 45 but after that, nope. sorry folks. I'm only 36 and still relatively young. For some reason though, even though the age range is right at the top of my profile, they still keep winking and emailing. Along with height. I'm 5'10. No offense to the shorties out there but I need someone my own height. Ever notice how all men under 5'10 always put 5'10? Yet clearly, when I meet them, they're not. You can always tell the guy who never reads your profile, because they're email to you looks something like this:"Hey, what's up?" or "Yer hot" or "We have so much in common!" We do? What do we have in common? Ahhhh... the cut and paste email. Red and I used to crack up at this one guy who used to send me the same c&p email every week, with a different phone number. So one day he sent it to me, but with a different girl's name at the top of it. After that I HAD to respond, fate was begging me to! I responded, "Since I haven't responded to all your cut and paste emails before, you might want to do some editing before sending it to the next girl." HA! Of course, he got mad and told me I had problems with men because I wouldn't call or go out with him. I'm sure it had nothing to do with his skeevy half naked picture or that he kept highlighting his "massage" skills in his profile. Nope, nothing to do with that!
The second part of this post is by special request from BikerPuppy, since she wants everyone to share in the joy that was my date from hell on Monday night. I met the Octopus (you can see where this is going) on Match. He asked me out last Sunday night for dinner the next evening. Ever the opportunist, I agreed. He was reasonably attractive, quirky personality, and the conversation was decent. Then the check came. I did the requisite fumbling for my wallet inside my purse, expecting the "no it's ok, I got it" to come out of his mouth. Except it didn't. Out comes my wallet. Still nothing. So I say, "I guess I should have stopped at the ATM on the way, I only have $18 in cash on me besides my credit card." He takes the money from me and says, "That's fine, I'll pay for the remainder." WTF?!!!!!!!! I don't think I've ever been in this position before. What man in their right mind does this? So now I'm irritated. He suggests we walk down 2nd Street, and I needed to walk so I said ok. While pausing at the Toledo bridge, he leans over to kiss me and promptly put his hands on my ass. After grabbing his wrists and removing them, he chuckles and says, "oops! I didn't have anywhere to put my hands!" Now that we were at the opposite end of the street from where I was parked, I told him I needed to go home. It was getting late, yada yada. He walks me to my car. I didn't want him to kiss me so I turned my head and gave him a hug. He used the hug as an opportunity to attempt to feel me up, to which I promptly go in my car and left.
Two days later he asked if we were going out again or did he blow it? I said no, good luck. His reply? "You can't blame me for following my natural impulses." I didn't point out to him that serial killers felt the same, but that's besides the point.
I hope you all enjoyed my post today. I thank BikerPuppy for staring my right in the eye on Tuesday morning and telling me rather forcefully, "No! You are NOT going out with that guy again!" As if there were any question, but just to drive the point home.   =)