Monday, November 29, 2010

World's Fastest (and most dysfuctional) Relationship

Well kiddos, this past weekend I apparently had the world's fastest relationship. Within a span of 48 hours, I talked to, met, and apparently had a dramatic affair with a male model who lives in Los Angeles.
DC sent me an email on Match. (yep, I renewed.) He looked good. Sounded normal and straight to the point. After a couple emails he asked for my phone number, which I freely gave. He asked permission to call me and we talked for two hours. He liked history (shocker!), was very smart, had an opinion and was looking for a relationship. He was very concerned with "openness and not being afraid to completely share". Or as he put it, bringing the remnants of my toxic past into the sparkling white carpet of our new relationship". Um... yeah. Apparently, even though he wanted to know why I felt a certain way I wasn't allowed to reference said experience that caused me to feel a certain way. Already I was feeling constrained by judgment. He called me again that Friday night, and said he wanted to drive down and meet me that night because he felt such a connection. I met him an hour later. He was cute and had a body that literally made my teeth hurt. I made out with him for a couple minutes before he left.
The next day he called me a few times for very lengthy conversations. I text messaged Red and told her, wow he certainly has a strong personality. He's kinda pushy. Like borderline acting like a dick, pushy. He asked me to come up to Hollywood and watch the Chargers game with him. I said ok. Until he brought up making a bet if the Colts won. Then we wanted to get laid. Then changed his bet, since in his opinion we would probably do that anyway. The new bet was a very intimate thing I'd only done in two serious relationships. Again I said no. He asked why not. I said I consider that special. He argued HE'S special. By this point I'm already feeling exhausted from constantly having to deal with qualifying my feelings or opinions. For someone who was so concerned with absolute truth and being open, he was hella judgemental. Among his other "endearing" qualities was his habit of throwing around his "genius level IQ and superior intellect". Which I found confusing. How could he even think I was smart when he talked to me like a friggin' two year old?! I told him I wanted to go to bed, I had to be at the pub early to get a table for breakfast and football.
The next day, Sunday, he started text messaging toward the end of the Steelers game at about noon. I had already made up my mind I was done. He was too demanding, judgemental, and pushy. When I tried to be an adult and say I wasn't what he was looking for, he started in with a stream of text messages arguing with me.
Then the phone calls. He knew I was watching football. I went outside and said, "What?!" After yelling at me and calling me a politician (for some reason he thought this was denigrating me) for being rational and calm, I yelled back and told him no, that I was done. Then he started begging. After all this, he suddenly stops and says, "Well are you coming up tonight to watch the game?" I said no, and he hung up. I thought, cool. The Steelers are in OT and I can finish watching!
No sooner had I sat down, that he sent me a text saying I was a fraud and a failure for not opening up with instant trust to him. And that I deserved everything I got. That I was never to call him or text him again, because he would just delete it.
Um. Yeah. Don't hold your breath, guy.
So there's your lesson folks. So many times we think, oh but they're so attractive, they can't be crazy! Or that somehow hot male models are somehow like unicorns. Nope, they're potentially nuts just like other men.
Lesson learned!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Interesting theory

So today my work friend ML and I are talking and he puts things in perfect perspective for me. I've long maintained there are few men out there who would really be in my dating pool. ML took this and ran with it. He said if I looked at it like a bell curve, and I'm on the tail end. Based on my personality (strong, type-A, alpha) and everything else about me, I'm not going to fall into the big middle. The big middle has a lot more choices. Where people aren't really picky, not really opinionated, etc. Dating and finding relationships will probably be a lot easier for them based on availability of "resources". The tail end that I'm in, however, I'm going to have to put up with a lot of chaff.
Obviously I want to meet someone with whom I can actually be myself with. Being myself tends to scare or intimidate people, though, unless they are equally as alpha as I am. ML also said something that made me feel better. A few posts ago I ranted about how people say things to singles like, "You'll find it when you stop looking!", "You don't need a man to be happy, you can do everything on your own!" and my favorite, "You're too picky! Just settle!" ML thinks dating and relationships are like a lottery. Yes you can put your $5 in every week religiously, but that doesn't guarantee you a shot. Neither does not putting in your money. We have no control over it. Kind of like heated up atoms, speeding all over the place, we have no control over which ones will bump into each other. Some may glance off the other, possibly affecting it, while others hit the nucleus perfectly to create a reaction.
While on one hand this makes me feel better because it kind of nudges me to give it up to my higher power, on the other its sort of sad. Like what if I do end up cruising through life by myself? That kind of sucks, actually. It's not like I wouldn't have lovers over the years, but that's not the point. A lover doesn't have that emotional intimacy with you.
My immediately plan is to only count on having that one date. Since I never get past the first date anyway, this seems wise. It keeps my expectations in check and if something happens afterward, then its a happy surprise. I'm also going to throw myself into planning my vacation to Greece, which makes me feel happy and excited. Finally, I will be going somewhere I've wanted to since I was about 7 years old.
Today I will continue to think about the things that make me happy.   =)

Monday, November 22, 2010

Holiday Advertisements and What I'm Actually Thankful For

It's that time of year, singletons! Yes, that few months stretch that starts after Halloween and goes until Valentine's Day. You know what I'm talking about. Retail's way of telling us we don't matter. I know you think I'm probably being a cynical, cranky bitch of late, but seriously! From now until V-Day, we will be seeing TV commercials and hearing radio spots that throw it in our faces that we are single, and if we WERE in a couple, the only way to show how much we are loved is with an engagement ring. Guys, don't think you're off the hook either. Your pressure comes from having to make a very public, creative and especially romantic proposal or else: Epic Fail! During this time of year I have my remote handy so I can mute all the commercials. It used to not phase me so much but Satan dumped me right before holiday season last year and so these stupid spots are somehow more poignantly painful.
So in protest, and as a means of positive reinforcement, I'm going to name the things I am grateful for and make me happy. Screw Robbins Brothers! I'm going to bust out of my grumpiness come Hell or high water. Without further ado, here's the list:
1. My besties: Red, JT, SB and Boy Wonder. (Shouts to my co-workers who have to deal with my crankiness on a daily basis and never stop being the awesome positive people that they are! Weez, BPuppy, LR, KL, DN and ChulaBella)
2. My family. Even though my mom and sister drive me nuts and we don't talk all the time, I know they love me. Especially my dad, who totally understands me without me having to try and explain myself. Probably because we have the exact same type-A, Alpha personality.
3. My two cats, Nyx and Nelli. For some reason no matter how upset I am, all it takes is for one of them to jump in my lap and give me some affection to make me feel better.
4. The fact that much as I bitch about not being married and having kids, I've been to more countries and states, and had more adventures on my own than the women in my family that are my age and saddled with kids and a husband. i.e. I've jumped out of a plane at 13,000 feet, I went on vacation to a foreign country alone for 2 weeks, I've kissed a man in each country I've gone on vacation (ha!), I've been on a boat ride on Loch Ness, I've sunbathed topless on a cruise, I duckcrawled through a medieval dungeon in Ireland, I hiked through Blair Witch-type woods alone to find a 200 year old family cemetery in MA, I'm one of only 2 out of 6 grandkids that actually learned to ice skate which is a family sport.
5. Things that make me happy: coffee in the morning after I've slept in, laying on my deck on a warm sunny day, traveling to countries I've never been before, Greek and Italian food, creme brulee, my two little twin cousins Skylar and Sydnee and my nephew Mikey, the way Kern Valley smells as the sun is rising on a hot day and I'm driving to the mountains (smells like fresh cut grass), the smell of burning "turf" in an old pub in Ireland and I'm drinking a Guinness, a hug from a good friend,  and cracking open a new book.

So there you have it. My way of catharsis. It's a bit wordy and makes no sense to anyone but me, but maybe it will lead you all to think about what you're grateful for too. I'm making a pledge to myself to stop being a pity-partying woe is me moron. Yeah, there are things about me that suck, but there are others that totally kick ass. I don't think they're the same all the time though.
What makes YOU happy?

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Uncommon times call for uncommon measures

The 5th century Chinese general, Sun Tzu, was a genius in studying his adversaries. He knew every move they made and why. His advice and teachings are so well thought out, that to this day his writing, "The Art of War", is on the Marine Corps leadership reading list and assigned reading material at the American War College.
These days I feel like I'm in an exhausting battle to find love. My dating experiences lately have left me feeling like a fighter pilot after a dogfight, and I'm not quite sure who won. I've lost my fighting form, and I need to get it back. I've completely misunderstood and under/overestimated the adversary, leading to outcomes that are highly disappointing.
I've kept my promise for another week, of letting my subscription go another week. I've officially exhausted all the dates the I had from the last go round. I've still retained my title of "one-date wonder". I'm going to experiment with a different approach. Twice in the past week, two different men told me that I'm intimidating because I'm confident. I'm not arrogant on my dates. I give them all the time they want to talk about themselves, ask good questions. However, it seems my "confidence" keeps peeking through. I've been told I scare the hell out of men. So, I'm going to do the unthinkable and pretend to be dumb. Red has already thrown the gauntlet, asking me how will I find someone who wants me for me if I'm not acting like me? Well, since my normal way of doing things isn't working, I'll try something else.
I'm also thinking of turning down men if they ask me out. Maybe I'm not in a place to date. Which makes me really f-ing angry. It's been over a year since Satan dumped me. Why the hell am I'm not in a place to be happy? Why am I still angry? hmmmm.... maybe next Saturday I will go to confession and lay all this psychological b.s. on the priest. It couldn't hurt. Maybe it will help center me.

Monday, November 15, 2010

The drought that became a flood, that became a drought again

So after a week of bitching that I wasn't getting any attention, I was suddenly deluged with emails and texts from all over. I was getting emails from match like crazy, and my phone was blowing up. Even Mimbo came back around with some craziness about wanting to get married. (Calling his bluff by sharing some unpleasantness quickly sent him packing, though.) In the middle of all this, my good friend JT set me up with her co worker CC. We all went out for football and it was awesome. The chemistry was immediate and he asked me out for that weekend. Our date was so fun that we made plans for this weekend. I also hung out a couple times with a Customs investigator. But, since this is me we are talking about, nothing ever works out.
On date 2 with Customs guy, he "suddenly" got a call from work and told me our date was being cut short. There was an uncomfortable staring at the check, and I again had to pay for my own dinner. That's twice in two months! Afterward he didn't even walk me to my car. This is after a terrific first date just four days before.
After my date with CC, we saw each other a couple nights later for football with the group. He was affectionate with me in front of his friends and of course there was copious amounts of kissing when he walked me to my car. We solidified our plans for this weekend. Again, since this is me, so of course the plans would never happen. And they didn't. Once again, I've been stood up and flaked on.
I told Weez last week that my new nickname for myself is the One Date Wonder. Seriously. I can't get past the first date. I do GREAT first date. I get lots of communication even after the first date, but slowly a few days after the first date the guys seem to just disappear into thin air. Poof! And once again I'm left wondering, "wtf?!"
I let my Match subscription lapse. I'm back to the drought. It kind of sucks. sent me an email giving me a free month, but theres not enough people on there to make it worth my while. That's also where I met Mimbo and we all know how well that worked out.
So, tonight HF is coming over to let me de-stress, if you will. To allow me to be selfish. He's good that way. I think I need to make more time for that in the coming weeks, so I can feel more in control. Clearly my self imposed abstinence in favor of "finding something special" has done nothing by slowly drive me insane. F-that. I'm going back to my old ways. Trying to walk the more traditional side of things didn't work for me. I feel more frustrated than I've ever been. My friend MD, along with Red, are of the opinion I go on a Man-fast. I can't do it. The mind and flesh are weak. Sorry, my friends.
So, thats the past couple weeks in a nutshell. Tomorrow when I see some of you, hopefully there will be a visual change in my