Sunday, September 26, 2010

When the Truth Hurts

Last week I read this article that struck me so much it took me over a week to decide what I was going to say. He doesn't want it
Back when I was with Satan, one of the things that started to go wrong with us at the end was our sex life. It was never a question of me wanting it. I was the one asking HIM. I hadn't gained weight, or anything obvious like that. Rather, he just kept saying he didn't feel like it. That, and he started playing a lot of WoW, staying up late and looking at a lot of porn. I didn't know what to do. I asked him if he wanted to talk about anything. Nope. I asked him if there was anything we could try or do, you know, to shake things up. My suggestions were met with lackluster attempts at participation. I asked him if maybe this was a low drive issue, that we could go to the doctor. Now this suggestion actually pissed him off, that I would DARE think he could have some type of physical problem.
My biggest mistake was looking at this as a clinical issue. I knew he loved me, he told me all the time. He was still affectionate with me. Still spending every weekend with me. He seemed embarrassed by his lack of ability to "finish" the job. I never criticized. Which is where I went wrong.
As I struggled to try and figure out what was going on, I refused to look at the most obvious answer: that he was cheating on me. When the subject of counseling came up, at first he was reluctant. Then he told me he loved me and wanted to work it out. He wanted to go and figure out what was wrong with him. And so began the dog and pony show he trotted out for our counselor. Meanwhile, at home, the criticism of ME began:
"I don't know why you think your boobs are great, they're really just average."  and  "I just don't want to touch you if your skin doesn't feel perfectly satin smooth, like it should." (which caused me to exfoliate and moisturize endlessly until my wrists got cramps and I scrubbed 3 layers of skin off.) and finally not even looking at me if I stood in front of him naked.
I don't look any different then than I do now, but after it was over it sank in just how much my self esteem had taken a hit. I had never been physically down on myself after a relationship ended, but it took me MONTHS to get over it. I never want to go through something like that again.
Ladies, the moral of the story is this: there is something seriously wrong if your guy doesn't want to get it on with you. If it's not a genuine low T problem, that he has been diagnosed by a doctor, then you better believe he's getting it elsewhere. And guys, if this is you, don't torture your chick. Just get out of the relationship.
It's been a week since I read this article and I'm still bothered by it. It's been a year since Satan told me he had been with someone else, she was pregnant and he was marrying her. And I'm still completely disturbed by it. I wonder when I'll be able to let it go.

1 comment:

weezermonkey said...

What a dick. I hate him, and I'm glad you're not with him.