Monday, February 21, 2011

Something to think about

My inspirations for some of my posts come from the weirdest places. Sometimes its a column I'm reading (Like Amy Alkon-Advice Goddess, my fave!), something I see out and about, and once in while it's something I see on TV or in a movie.
Tonight I was on the couch reading a book while Sex in the City was playing in the background. I wasn't watching it, but I like background noise so I don't have to hear my neighbor's kids. Anyway, so apparently the episode in question was about positive daily affirmations. I wasn't paying too much attention, which isn't surprising considering positive affirmations are anathema to my cynical nature. However, there came a scene in the show where the character Charlotte is at a seminar and bravely stands up to state her fear. What might this be, you ask? Well, as the character is written, she is the part of us that is always hopeful about love and relationships. No matter how many relationships she goes through, she never stops hoping and knowing she will fall in love. In this seminar, Charlotte stands up to say she is afraid the affirmations of believing in the hope of love aren't working for her. She found it once, and it fell apart. And no matter how much she has gotten over the situation, the part she hates is the fear he took away her ability to hope, to believe again.
My coffee cup nearly fell out of my hand as I ripped my eyes away from my book to stare at the TV. Wow. Is this where my now buried anger and fear comes from? Getting over being cheated on (and the even worse actions I found out afterward) might have been tough, but I did it. I couldn't figure out what the hell was taking me so long to get to the I-Don't-Care phase. Could this be it? Hmm. My cynical self has definitely had a lot of action lately. This must obviously be a defense mechanism. After all, hope is a type of risk and risk equals the potential for getting hurt. However, hope clearly underestimated my ability for stubbornness. I'm half-Dutch, and we are the most stubborn people on Earth.
Interesting. I never thought for a moment that such a vapid TV show would trigger such an introspective response.  I don't know if this recent revelation will push me through the I-Don't-Phase or not. I'm kind of enjoying it right now, because I feel like teflon. Nothing sticks! Everything is just slightly annoying then quickly forgotten.
What say you, audience? Has the fear of not believing ever gotten the best of you?

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