Monday, January 10, 2011

The Epiphany

No, this isn't going to be a blog piece on the Catholic feast day that just passed. This is my personal epiphany, lower case.
About two weeks ago, I was bitching to Red how my dating life is crap. Seriously, no one really calling, can't get past the first date, etc. She made this crazy suggestion of having me give her the numbers of the last 5 guys I went out with so she could call them and see what happened. WTF?! Obviously I said no, but then she told me about this book where the author did just that. "Why He Didn't Call Back"  At first I resisted. Red is big on self-help books, and I'm so not. The last thing I felt I needed was chicks boo-hooing in a book, with wishful thinking suggestions like, "maybe he was busy", "I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation" and "stop thinking about him and he will call". Yeah. How many times have we forced ourselves to believe that crap?
But that's SO not what the book was about. I bought it on my Kindle for Android and read it in 3 days. This woman did exit interviews with 1000 men who never called women back after a first date. OMG. I had NO idea I was screwing up so badly.
She breaks it up by things we do ON first dates that turn men off, and things we do AFTER the date that turn men off. It's never just one thing, but rather a bunch of these little things. And once they see one thing that doesn't sit well, they start looking for other things to verify that opinion. They are very good at filtering out, rather than giving us the benefit of the doubt which women do a lot more often. I am guilty of a couple of behaviors in this books, but I don't really belong totally to any of the categories. I exhibit some things out the sections Boss Lady, The Closer and Sadie Hawkins. Seriously, read it and you will get it.
After reading this book, I feel like I literally had an epiphany about love and dating. I feel more hopeful and happy than I have in a looooong time. I encourage all single women to read this book. Things that women see as perfectly reasonable are things that men do not see the same way. I know now what NOT to do. Maybe I will be going out on a lot more dates. Maybe this year I will fall in love.
We shall see!


Red said...

Let me know when you're ready for more reading material..

weezermonkey said...

I feel like 2011 is going to be a good year for you! :)

Nicole said...

So did Red call the guys? I think that is a great idea considering that you'll probably never see them again. What have you got to lose?