Dating and Manners

I have to say I've been pretty lucky in my dating history. I've never really had any truly rude dates, outside the norm. I remember one guy I went out on a date with, who decided to mouth off to the cops when they came through the pub on a bar check. It was a Friday night in HB's Main St. That's what the cops do. Except I had never told him that I was working for the Sheriff's Department then, and my internal alarms went off. Only people who have been up to no good in their life tend to do that. I said to him, "So what did you get popped for?" He said, "Possession." That was my cue to exit. Of course it didn't stop him from trying to hold me there and put his tongue down my throat, to which I politely and in a ladylike manner explained I would break all of his fingers if he didn't let me go. It worked.
However, there have been others than hovered on the rude borderline. They were late (a little to a lot), kept checking their cell phone in front of me, texting in front of me, got a little too touchy feely too soon. I have to wonder, where did they learn their dating manners from? This morning I came across this article Bad Dating Manners. A lot of my friends have told me some funny stories, and they run the gamut from cheap men to men who do nothing but talk in a vile way about their exes. One man even cried at the table when one of my friends remarked how unhappy he seemed. Self control, people!
I pride myself on being a good date. I'm prepared to pay, should it come to that. I'm on time, and am a witty conversationalist. I flirt a little, but never with someone who I am not attracted to. I don't like leading people on and never agree to get in contact if I'm not feeling it. I will let them know right away, usually the next day, if I won't be seeing them again. That's just being nice.
One wonders where people get their dating manners from. A male friend of mine went to pick up a girl he asked out and she was dressed in what could only be described as "hooker chic". After he took her to dinner, she invited him back to her house. From there it just got weird and he quickly got back into his car to leave. So its not just doing the offending!
I think I can place the bad manners blame on upbringing. What say you, audience? What was your most awful experience?

The Rules of the Booty Call

Picture this: you meet a cute guy, you hook up, you figure that's all its going to be. He's not exactly dating material. But then he calls. We can go a couple different ways on this. Drinks before another hook up? Or calling at random and inconvenient times for a hook up?
What are the rules here anyway?
I've been on both sides of this fence in my single life. There's the guy who doesn't feel quite comfy of having a completely "casual" relationship, even though you are. Even though he doesn't want more than that either. I would always say no to this guy. Going for drinks or dinner puts me in the danger zone for liking him too much since I already knew he didn't want to actually date or have a girlfriend. Maybe some guys really do need to "fake date".
The other one, though. You thought you'd keep him around for playtime, but all he does is annoy you. Calls in the middle of the night asking YOU to come over to his house. Or calling you at 7am on your day off to ask YOU to come over. He's a giver, this guy.. ha ha ha. Ok, no lie. That's happening to me right now. LAPD is the king of last minute and random texts. I've told him to plan ahead because I'm too busy but he either doesn't get it or he's just not into it enough. Last weekend he got mad that I was drinking at a party with my friends (because he doesn't drink), then 5 minutes later wants to drive to where I am and fool around. I'm quite convinced he's mental.
I guess my rules here are have fun and drop what annoys you. I keep them at arms length. Not too much information sharing. The goal isn't dating or a relationship. It's just to keep the skills up until you find someone you DO want to date. Please don't judge, people. You know you've all done it, whether you called it what it is or not.
LAPD was shut down completely and forever this morning. HAAAAAAAAA

To have and to hold.. myself!

There are things in this world that drive my mother insane, and one of them is telling her (in a sarcastic woe-is-me kind of way) that I'm never getting married. It's not for lack of trying. I was in a good relationship for 6 years but he just never wanted to get married. Unfortunately, I do. So, we parted ways amicably, and still talk every so often. I've been in other relationships since, with one being pretty serious. That ended miserably with me wanting to go on a homicidal rampage after I found out what he did (cheater, got someone pregnant and got engaged to her. All in 4 weeks!). At any rate, in the year since that's happened I've often wondered if I'm really meant to be married. People who try to make me feel better often quote the divorce rate, blah, blah, blah. I'm Italian and at heart we are romantics. We don't give a crap about divorce rates, thats why a lot of Italian men have 6 ex-wives. We are in love with falling in love, no matter how it ends.
For those that know me, I'm not that optimistic. I love falling in love. Who doesn't? Getting to know a new partner, your first kiss, the first time they stay over (or vice-versa), yada yada. However, I'm definitely not an optimist. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that the area I grew up in and currently live is a poor place to find a mate. I have trust issues. When I'm not emotionally available, I still don't stay away from men but I definitely keep them at arm's length. Ok, leading to my point...
I found this article and was immediately intrigued. Don't Want Marriage or Kids. I can't help but question, is she settling for herself? Was not getting married REALLY a choice? Or rather, the way her life turned out for her was the choice in itself? I work with a couple people who are content singles with no kids, and older than my 36 years. I've never asked them why, because that would be rude. However, I can't help but wonder if that "choice" might be in progress for me. I do like being by myself and I travel alone a lot, but I still have something inside me that says "keep trying". Considering the wonderful adventure I just had in Scotland, and meeting DFTB, it makes me wonder if this isn't just a case of geography. Makes me wonder...

Porn is real! Isn't it?

This morning I went back to reading a fave blog, Why Women Hate Men. (Snaps to BikerPuppy for turning me onto it!) It's pretty much ridiculous singles ads by men trolling the internet. They're actually pretty hilarious, in a train wreck kind of way. Any-who.. I read this one today Real Women and Porn Chicks.
There are some of you who know me in real life, that know I dated this mimbo (male bimbo) fireman who kept turning up like a bad penny. He was like this guy in the ad in this blog! Now, considering how open our society is with sex nowadays, I really don't have any problem with porn. I accept that most men look at it and that doesn't bother me at all. They are visual creatures. However, MOST of those men understand that these chicks are paid actors, just naked. Mimbo, on the other hand, was so obsessed with that world it became reality for him. In fact, now that I think about it, he was exactly like the guy in the blog. Mimbo would complain to me that he'd never be able to find a girl like those girls, who really seemed to enjoy those things. Since I had dumped him, I suggested maybe paying the next girl he dated and maybe she would do those things and act that way... ha ha.
But seriously..... have we become so desensitized that we expect our partners to be this way? I'm not quite sure what the equivalent for women would be, except maybe Girard Butler in his little "300" outfit throwing me around a bit, but it's not the same. Is adult entertainment so accessible in so many places that it's become normal instead of special? It makes me wonder if there are more Mimbo's out there, and if there are, watch out!

I had a suspicion

So the other day I read this article on http://www.hotair.com/, which is one of my favorite websites. It's an article from the NY Daily News Rom-Coms and Relationships . One of my many theories in why male-female relationships are so difficult. In our quest for instant gratification, it's now overlapping into the expectation of instant happiness! Are we insane? Or are we just falling for crap because it's easier than examining ourselves? I look at what these movies tell us: That we will meet a hot guy out of no where who is a total player but gives it all up when he meets us (ok, yes we know we are all fabulous already but play along please), there are a couple bumps in the road and after one mishap (maybe after the 2nd or 3rd date) they realize they looooooooove us. However, it freaks them out and they dump us. We cry. They come crawling back. We accept and poof! Happily ever after. They plan surprises, they plan ahead (HA!!!!), never do things that make us question their loyalties, and of course are fabulous lovers who get it right every time.
When in reality they just keep seeing the other girls, make weird excuses to us and keep coming around for God only knows what reason.
I will confess I stopped reading Cosmo about a year ago. I couldn't do it anymore. The vapid commentary and articles on how to get into a guy's head and make him fall for you were ridiculous. I prefer a much simpler way, as related to me by a male friend a couple days ago: Give him oral then make him a sandwich. With cheese.
No undertones there! No double speak or mixed messages. Am I trading my youthful hopefulness for the cynicism of my mid-30's? I don't think so. I think I'm starting to prefer not to care about "but what does it mean?!" I think I'm becoming a better listener. No more projecting what I want it to mean and hearing what it actually is. It's definitely freed my brain up to pursue more fun things.. like reading, planning my trips and playing WoW. (hahahaha...j/k..... or maybe not?)

The New Peter Pan?

So I'm at dinner with SB the other night and she tells me she was supposed to go on a date that very night. The guy told her to call him back to finalize, which she did. The guy doesn't pick up and calls her back hours later, when she's getting ready to meet me for dinner. She tells him she already made other plans. He responds with a chuckle and says, "How about you just make the plans from now on and I'll make myself available?" I didn't know what to say except, "Did you tell him you only went out with big boys?"

Seriously now... is this what its coming to? Men are just phoning it in instead of even making the effort to plan? Have we created a society of pansy-boys? I don't know whether to blame it on society or other women not calling them on it. This goes beyond just the lack of calling when they say they're going to. Obviously SB is going to tell him to get lost, but WTF?!

Is anyone else dealing with immature Peter Pans?